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'Will you have time to do it all....?'

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‘I am going back to work!’ I proudly announced to just
about anyone who would listen.  Many people were
very supportive, my younger child was heading to kindergarten and though I had indeed devoted my focus to being a full-time mother for the prior several years, I missed the intellectual stimulation and connection with the professional world.  I was surprised by the number of… lukewarm reactions to my proclamation.  ‘What about your kids?', people would ask.  ‘How are you going to manage?’…. ‘How will you have time to do it all?’…. ‘What about your social life?’ (aww… how cute that people actually think my social life could be a real constraint)  ‘Have you thought about a career change… maybe re-train as a teacher or something with mothers’ hours?’

To be honest, at the beginning of my back to work journey, these questions did rattle me a bit.  Obviously, there were some compelling and attractive factors fueling my desire to return to work.  The thought of earning my own paycheck and having extra money was frankly… exciting.  Being out of the house and having a set list of responsibilities (as opposed to the ‘catch as catch can’ mom gig), yes please?  But at what cost?  Would my children be irreparably damaged by my… abandonment of them in their tender years?  OMG AM I ACTUALLY SELFISH AND MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE?!?!?

There are millions if not billions of working women who do in fact have time to ‘do it all’ and their kids are absolutely fine. Not all of them even live in places like Norway where they have state sponsored daycare and work/life balance (so I’ve heard).  What about the women who chose not to take time off work to care for their children?  What about all the fathers out there, do people ask them how they will manage and if their children will be damaged as a function of them working outside the home?  My guess is… no.  How was I any different than any of those people?

This led me to consider: What is the motivation of the people asking these questions?  Were they asking me… or themselves?  Would they ask this question of a working dad?  Or a woman who had never left the workforce?  I realized that some of the people who I would have expected to be the most supportive were actually my biggest detractors… because they were overlaying their own situations onto mine.  If they saw themselves as my peer, acknowledging that I could go back to a full-time professional role, meant that they were CHOOSING not to work, because it made it ‘possible’.  We all have our journeys, our constraints and our goals.  There is a job out there for all of us who want one…. And not all of us do.  Remember that going back to work can look different for every person – you have the ability to choose an arrangement that suits you and your current situation.  You can also change positions with your circumstances – your re-entry job doesn’t have to be forever. For me, it helped to have a group of like-minded friends who could help me stay grounded and focused on what was best for ME… which was definitely going back to work. 

PS – My children are not ruined by my going back to work… though the 5 year old did recently remark that he has some time until he’s grown up, like, at least another 3 – 4 years.

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