The Returners' Dilemma

Fellow returners, do you sometimes feel that you are suffering from Returners' Settling Syndrome? Ok, so maybe I made that name up, but it is a VERY REAL feeling. You know that stoic resignation you feel when accepting a position that isn't exactly what you thought you would take. Why do we feel like we are "settling" when in fact we are stepping along the cobblestone path to something new and exciting?

In our blog group, we have had many conversations about just that - the majority of women returners we know are taking jobs that are not at the same level as where they off-ramped to pursue other things. We use words like entry level, junior position, lower level and ground floor to describe the back to work positions we accepted and/or are applying for. We talk of the quandary we face trying to decide if we should wait for something "better". We all have enthusiasm and eagerness for the new positions. BUT...  There is also a tinge of disappointment; a hint of self-judgment that we are a little less than enough by appearing to take a step or two backwards. Why?

It is the norm in our society to equate self-worth with what we do. We have intertwined our identities so much with what we do (or did), when we don't do what we do (or did), then who are we?  Wow! That went a bit deep rather quickly; let's save answering that question for a different post.

So what does any of this have to do with finding a job?

Well to start, if you have wrapped up your self-worth in the role you perform, then looking at a returner job that is not the same pre-break "professional you" will probably leave you second guessing yourself and feeling insecure about your abilities. Your inner roommate will have a field day filling your head with self-doubt and excuses that lead to procrastination in your job search. Furthermore, having a negative perception of the presumed lower position could cause you to seek out jobs that are not the best fit for a returner.

Are you looking for the same level or perhaps even a more senior level position than when you took your break?  Have you been discounting the more junior positions because you feel you could "do better"? The reality is the lower level position is a great re-entry job for a returner.  No matter how skilled you think you are, there is a lot to become reacquainted with and learn. More than you realize. So giving yourself the flexibility to absorb all of the newness without having the added pressure of the responsibilities and demands of a more senior position is really a good thing (despite what your inner roommate will try to tell you).

How do you go into an interview that you consider a less than ideal match for your experience/skills?  Do you come off less enthusiastic or interested in the position?  Do you spend less time writing a stand-out cover letter?  Do you prepare less and thus come across as a less impressive candidate etc?  You could be undermining your job search by subconsciously disqualifying yourself before you even get in the door for the interview.

In retrospect, this is exactly what I did. There were several positions that I applied for where I considered myself "more senior" than the described position (translate: ego boosting over-qualified).  And guess what? I did not receive responses from many of these. I could have used my cover letter to explain how my experience and my desire for a different level position made me an awesome candidate, but I didn't.  My cover letters basically said, hey I am really senior and I could do this job in my sleep so you should hire me. Not exactly a compelling candidate.

So fellow returners, maybe we should start to use different terms. It is ok to return to a position that is not exactly the level you were at pre-break. Instead of "lower", "more junior" lets try saying "its a different level". It is neither good or bad, just different. Let's start reminding ourselves that a job role does not define who we are. Check your inner monologue. Is your inner roommate using language that makes you feel disappointed and less successful? If so, its time to change that monologue.

Do you find that maybe you are clinging to a version of the pre-break professional you?  Well that you does not exist anymore. Thank her for all that she gave you and send her on her way. It's time to embrace the post-break professional you: an intelligent, confident-with a history of success woman ready for a new opportunity.  Remember, your first job as a returner does not have to be your "forever" position.  Let it be just a step in your return and see where it takes you. For what is worth, the returners I know, myself included, are all saying returning at a different level has been a good thing. And that is an awesome feeling.

Want to share you re-entry experience?  Leave a comment here on We've Got This.